Today we will be discussing hair parts. You may want to take a seat for this.
Beauty magazines have always discussed side parts as the most flattering for anyone with facial features. Middle parts divide the face in half and point out all your asymmetries and somehow interfere with your pineal gland. Today, I woke up and thought about it. What has the pineal gland done for me lately, really?
I usually part my hair on the left. Today I parted it down the middle. Something shifted in the world when I did this–I can’t really put my finger on it, but I definitely felt something moving (other than hair). On an unrelated note, I think we need to fumigate our room.
I went to the post office to mail a bunch of books. Nobody recognized me! I’ve never been there before, but usually I get nods of recognition like, oh, there’s M.I.A., or that Indian girl who lived next door to me in college who always smelled of lentils, or oh, there’s my 14 year old cousin. But today? Nothing. Coincidence?
Let’s look at how amazingly different side-parted bobs look versus middle-parted bobs.
They look like completely different people!
Conclusion: changing the part in your hair is the number 1 most effective thing you can do to change your identity. Massive plastic surgery is a very close second, but many find it too costly and time consuming.